The Price of Obedience (part 2)

I saw the room in which my friends would share one more year...without me. An entire year of experiences not lived, not shared...an entire year in which I would lose contact with them. The year in which they would graduate...and that I wouldn't even get to see them graduate...the moment I had waited for so long and for which I had worked so much for: graduate with them or see them graduate at least...a moment destroyed. You have lived with your friends, you graduated with them, you saw them leave your life, the faithful stayed, others didn't...it's an inevitable moment, but...you lived it, you experienced it, it was recorded in your mind and heart for ever...at least you are able to say: I graduated with them or I saw them graduate. That is something I cannot say.

"Hey everyone. As some of you already know I'm leaving to the States tomorrow." I didn't see any reaction. "I just wanted to thank you for all that we've gone through, all that you allowed me to experience with you, the love you've given me and that I gave you. Thank you, thank you so much for those six years you gave me...six years is really a long time and..." my heart couldn't bear it any longer...I broke down right in that moment...I couldn't keep talking...to say that a knot formed in my throat is very little...my sight was distorted, my eyes, full of tears, forced my head to incline down. There was silence. Rebeca got up, moved to where I was and told me: "please don't cry" and she hugged me. Never did I wanted to hold her so much as that day. I didn't want to separate myself from her. I knew I wouldn't see here for a long time...but even with all that had happened, the reality still hadn't hit me its hardest...until I was before the airplane.


I still held her in my arms...my friend, my loving sister who gave me her unconditional friendship...this would be the last time I would see her and hug her. Little by little all the rest of my schoolmates got up to hugh me and take pictures. We took a lot of pictures and...after being with them for a moment...I knew I didn't have more time...I had to go. But I didn't want to! How are you supposed to just say goodbye from the people you shared so much time with? In what sane mind does it fit that you will let them go? However...I knew I had to...and I said goodbye...when I closed that door I closed my life. Outside were two more classmates that maybe had gone to the restroom or something but that were not there when I talked to the rest. I said goodbye to them too. My last heartbeat.


Walking through that school in my way to the parking lot was even more painful than all I had experienced until that moment. When I saw the cafeteria I suddenly saw that it was filled with many little boys and girls running to buy something to eat as they talked. There was a boy with glasses that looked a lot like me. I realized that it was me...I was a little reserved, I was sorry for that now. But I saw that my friends were with me...a little hope...that I couldn't see in that moment. Every little piece of that school that I saw as I went out had a memory, something I experienced. My life, my being was left behind. It would be the last time I would see the place where the Lord gave me so many precious stones.


I am really sorry that another friend of mine, Raquel, couldn't make it. I shared so much time and so much with her, I got to know her so much that she is a very precious stone to me. But it wasn't her fault or anyone else's, even though I know that I will see her again and everyone else...but not even that brought me comfort in that moment.




My brother and best friend, Eduardo Garcia. More faithful friend I will never find. He told me once something I'll never forget: "God takes us to places where one doesn't want to go, but for a purpose. Wherever you go, I pray that you may be a light to other, for that is why He is taking you there."

I was walking to the parking lot where my uncle Alejandro was waiting for me. I turned around once more: "Bautista Miramonte Church." Goodbye, goodbye...I will return to reclaim my life."

Little by little I was dying. A huge part of me had just died: my friends. But the worse was yet to come...


What would you have felt or thought in a situation like that?



We continued doing transactions and other things...afternoon came...the day went by so fast...my family arrived to give us a farewell party and help us pack. My aunt Tita stayed to sleep with her family (she didn't sleep) to help us pack. I didn't have time to do something I liked to do a lot: look through my window to the skies and see the stars and hear the silent (by nights) city of Santa Tecla. But no, I was busy at the moment taking everything out from what once was my room. All my personal items, all my toys, my drums, everything that for four years (the time I spent in that house because we had moved) and for the previous years of my life in another house. I had no idea that every little thing in that room now in the United States would serve as a link to a little part of my life...MY LIFE!

That night we went to our great friend Fanny's house to say goodbye. She already knew the news of course. It was something very but very painful that even as I write it I am living it again. I really didn't know her much yet, but we had already gone out, she, my brother and I to Multi Plaza (a mall in El Salvador) to have a good time and to other places too. We shared beautiful moments. Even though I didn't know her much...I had grown fond of her. We took pictures with her. First my brother talked to her and she gave him a necklace that had belonged to her dad and they said goodbye. Seeing them say goodbye was too much for me and I also started crying. My turn arrived and I said goodbye of her. To step out of that house was another severe blow to my heart. Never did I imagine the friendship I would get to have with her...never did I think I would have a sister in her. But I do, and it's one of the things that gives me the strength to move on.

I had four years of not seeing my room with nothing in it. The sun had already risen. But how!? How did it came to sunrise so fast? I got ready, the same as my brother and my mom. I saw my room for the last time and I slowly closed the door: another part of me died...I went down the stairs and took pictures with my family. It was already time to go to the airport. I had 48 hours without sleeping in a row. My dogs: Doguie, Gordo (Fat) and Pigui...my mom had already gone out of the house, she couldn't bear saying goodbye to the dogs. I said goodbye, I caressed them as I had never done it before...they didn't have the least idea of that was going on. Doguie always calm, Gordo always playing, Pigui always angry. I closed the door while at the same time I heard a scream within me...another part died. My heart was barely beating...I was agonizing as was y family.

I walked to the truck but turned around to see my house for the last time. How couldn't I value all this?

Inside the truck, if someone didn't speak to me I could fall asleep right in the moment. I had 48 hours in a row without sleeping, so I didn't have the opportunity to appreciate every little thing outside the truck's window.

We arrived at the airport and took pictures. We went in to register the luggage and make all the processes. Two of my brother's friends were waiting for him upstairs. Surprise! they traveled all the way to the airport to say goodbye to him. It was very nice of them. We spent some time with my family taking pictures. My aunt Claudia embraced us and wept as she held us in her arms...she was there since before we were born and held us when we were born, she shared time with us.

Our flight was called. Finally I felt the real entire blow of reality. Finally this would be the last time we would be in our country. We all embraced, said last words...and my brother and my mom and I started walking toward the gate, (what I will tell you is what I felt in that moment) that cursed dark gate that would take me to the abyss itself.

Desperate, helpless, defenseless, I turned around to see my family...I don't blame my brother and my mom for not doing it because it was simply too much...they made signs of "courage" and "strength." The wall started covering one by one each member of my family. I turned around to see that I had to take my shoes and any metalic object off to put them in a tray and go through a detector machine. No one said anything. There was much to tell and at the same time nothing to say. Agony is hardly a right word to define what the three of us were experiencing in that moment. We got on the plane (an experience I had never had before but which I wasn't exactly enjoying in that moment) and we waited, we waited chained to that dog from the abyss that would take us to another destiny while we had our own land within our reach...crazy ideas went through my mind: how about I get out of here, I can throw myself out of the window or something...it doesn't matter...nothing mattered for me then...



Time seemed endless. The plane never took off! If I was to be tortured so then it better end quick! you can't imagine what a torture it was to be sitting there waiting in the plane while you looked outside the window your country, helpless, without being able to do a thing...



Finally the engines went on...the plane started taking off...the airplane rose while my "Pulgarcito de America" (Little Thumb of America, that's the way the country is called) became smaller and smaller every time...ants outside the window.


What would you have felt when you saw your country reduced to a crumb? To know you were heading to something new and different BUT outside of your country?